Sunday, February 6, 2011

Being Me Is Enough

I was in the kitchen on Super Bowl Sunday, and asked my husband if I'm crazy in wanting to follow my passion, versus be a corporate robot, making a six figure salary?  It's funny, when I was a child I wanted to be rich.  When I was a teenager, and I had a job paying me $4.25 an hour, that was minimum wage back then in Tulsa, Ok., I wanted to be rich. 

When I graduated college, after having worked two part-time jobs while being an active duty service member, attending a junior college during the week, and a special four year university program for service members on the weekends, I really, really wanted to be rich.

Once I started working in the civilian sector, I didn't necessarily wanted to be rich anymore, it would have been nice though.  Instead, I became realistic, and just wanted to make over $100k a year, and to become VP of human resources.  I still wonder why I only shot for VP, and not president, but that's neither here nor there at this moment.  The fact is I became realistic in my goal of not being rich, but making enough money to satisfy me.  Okay, I'm lyin'.  I wanted to make as much money as possible, because what fun is being poor?

I don't know why making a LOT of money has been so important.  However, I think after working so hard for so long, chasing the corporate dream and not moving up, earning more money I'm at a point where I want to do me.  I believe, the catalyst for doing me started when was let go from my job.  I had a company car, expense account, didn't pay for gas or insurance, and worked from home.

Don't get me wrong, I worked my tail off, and was viewed as valuable by company, so much so, they sent my husband and I to Italy for nearly a week all expenses paid, where we had private tours of the Pope's Museum, Sistine Chapel, Colosseum, and more.  They also my husband and I to Costa Rica all expenses paid, to stay at the Four Season's hotel, and enjoy all the relaxation and pampering one can stand, agian for nearly a week.

However, when it came down to it, my company handed me my walking papers, while retaining co-workers who underperformed, and kissed tail versus working hard.  Quite frankly, I will never know why I was passed over.  Over the holidays, I consoled myself (was laid off just before Thanksgiving) in the fact that I was good at my job, and that I could find another gig paying me what I was making, with all the perks.  Then it donned on me.  Was this all too my life?  Is this what I really want? 

I viewed my job loss as an opportunity to follow my passions.  I did work hard, and because of that hard work, I can afford to take time to explore my options.  However, on January 4th, I received a call from my old boss wanting to know if I wanted my job back.  I was faced with a dilemma.  Do I go back, and take my place in the corporate treadmill, or do I follow the path that will undoubtedly be more challenging, yet more rewarding?

Making money has always been important, and don't get me wrong, it still is.  I want my family to be secure, and how could I turn down a job that offered the perks I have been accustomed to for over ten years.  So, I called my boss back, and I told him... "thank you, but I am headed in a different direction". 

During the course of my being laid off, I have since realized money is not the end all be all.  I don't need all the money I can make, I just simply need to make the money I need, and after that being me is simply enough.  My husband thinks I'm enough too. =)